Normality? ~ John Inglis Hall

Oh if I were only normal
Living in my house
In my beard a flirting turtle
In my hair a mouse.

Then I would be truly happy
Then I would be gay
Then I would undo my girdle
Fill my hair with hay
Give my children ponds to drink
And fill my shoes with Indian ink.

Deliver grass at rabbit holes
Bring butterflies to fainting voles
Make corks for popguns in a cave
And teach old hedgehogs how to shave.

For Oh I love all quiet things
Like astrolabes and diamond rings
Scissors, and soap, and pearls, and swine,
And little tiny stoups of wine,
Weaving in wool, and pink loucoums
And oyster feasts in private rooms.

For these are the things which interest me
And this is what I long to be
An aged mogul in a tower
A bulbul in a gillyflower
A gil sans serif  letter C.

Oh if I were only normal
This is what I'd dream
If my chest would sprout a boiler
And my breath were steam
How I would amaze the public
Puffing round the pier
Then, upon the second Sunday,
Quietly disappear!


This poem was written during the second world war - it is reputed to have been held
back for six months by the censors who were afraid it might be some sort of code......